what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
