dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize