Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
