ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
