Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
