Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
