I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
