Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am one with the molecules
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
