Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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