Ketchup is God's man juice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
