maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
