i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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