Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
