so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
