Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
