It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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