Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
