Please, let me fuck your mom
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
