why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
