could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize