I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
