awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
