I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
