Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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