hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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