she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
