I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
