His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
