his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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