no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
