You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My vagina is very pro this idea
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