Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
