maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
