I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
