Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
