I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
