You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
