so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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