i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize