guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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