she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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