I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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