yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So many bounce houses so little time
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
