I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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