I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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