just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
