I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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