I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
