I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
they're like a gay fantastic four
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
