i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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