It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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