4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
