it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
