After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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