When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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