never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize