Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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