Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
