Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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