Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
