What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
