You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
